Anxiety is the most common reason people seek mental health treatment. In these times of COVID-19, social media comparison, overly busy lives and the stress of; relationships, work and family, I am seeing more and more people reaching out to deal with anxiety. Life has changed significantly since I was young and I cannot imagine what it must be like for children and teens growing up in these times. There are so many reasons to feel anxious these days. Television is now 24-7 and is almost entirely negative, making us feel as if all life has to offer is stress and fear. Facebook and other social media sites have us believe most of our friends are doing better than us. We might consciously know that people almost exclusively post only the highlights of their lives and not the negative aspects or their struggles, but it still affects us deeply. Humans like to compare, and social media with all its positives, can create thoughts such as “I’m not good enough” or “nobody else seems to be struggling in life.”
There is no way around the barrage of information coming our way. Our brains are wired to imagine the future, but most of us compare our lives to others and our untrained thoughts often send us into a spiral of anxiety and fear. The eastern idea of the untrained mind is called “monkey mind,” indicating we jump from thought to thought without being truly present. This way of thinking can create high levels of anxiety.
Most of us do not pay much attention to our thoughts. I often ask my clients to imagine for a day that your thoughts are a roommate, and listen to your thoughts throughout the day. Once a client has tried this, they often find they would like to kick their roommate out. Although this is a humorous thought, it is worth paying attention to your thinking throughout the day, as every thought affects our emotions. In fact, anxiety is related to these thoughts and many people have far more negative self-talk than they know. This exercise is very important for gaining any traction to lower your anxiety. When we think about the future, many people with anxiety have a sort of “negative imagination.” The brain can become quite out of control imagining the worst possible scenarios for the future.
Our brains can become hard wired early in life. We create pathways of thinking over the years that become habit forming. Our brains create a sort of “highway” and carve out a way of thinking that becomes automatic and negative. These thoughts then create emotions. If you have a thought such as “the world is not safe” the corresponding emotion is anxiety. The brain believes it is helping us by imagining every possible scenario so it can prepare itself for these possibilities. This creates stress hormones in the body. The “fight or flight” reflex sets in and creates an unimaginable amount of stress. Although there is no immediate threat, our minds believe it is always under threat. This is a toxic loop creating unhealthy hormones and a brain than cannot let go of fear. Anxiety and fear are expensive emotions for the body and these constant barrage of thoughts can even lead to panic attacks.
The good news is that any brain can be re-wired and we can create new “highways” that lead to positive emotions. One of the first ways to solve this problem is to pay attention to your thoughts throughout the day. Awareness of our thoughts is the first step to change. It is very important that we do not judge these thoughts at any time in the process of change. Judgement of ourselves is toxic and will not help us on our journey to healing. The best way to approach your new awareness of your thinking is to just say “hello” to our negative thoughts and then let them go. It is a form of “radical acceptance,” which is the key to change.
To sit with any negative emotion can be difficult at first. To have a painful emotion and not try to push it away is not natural and can be difficult in the beginning, however the lack of resistance is the key to healing. It is the resistance to emotion that helps keep it around longer. When we tell ourselves, “I don’t want to feel this,” or “I want it to go away” we may push it down deeper into our subconscious only to come out in unhealthy ways. The act of trying to push emotions away only adds to the intensity of the original emotion. This only leads to adding to our problem. To create anxiety about the anxiety we are feeling only creates a vicious cycle of stress.
If you are thinking, “Easier said than done,” you are right. The secret is just to notice the emotion and not attach yourself to your thoughts. To believe a thought is only a thought and to let it pass, is the first step. You may find the emotions pass much more quickly when you are able to view your anxiety as a passing feeling, and not something to be wrestled into submission. Anxiety cannot be willed away and if you suffer with anxiety, you most likely know this intimately. It is in our nature to try and will negative experiences away, and this is especially true for people with anxiety, as it is one of the most uncomfortable emotions a person can experience.
Sometimes we know the reason we are anxious and other times we have no idea. People with Generalized Anxiety Disorder often do not know why they are feeling the way they are. Not knowing why you are anxious can be quite “anxiety producing,” but again, paying attention to your thoughts is the first step. Most people with this disorder find they have an almost constant barrage of negative thinking, once they begin to pay attention to their thoughts.
Therapy can greatly assist you with all the different types of anxiety that a person may experience. Talking about your thoughts and feelings reduces anxiety and training on new ways to create positive thinking pathways can change your life dramatically. For help with this you can call and schedule an appointment to start your path to healing and create the future you want.